Bachelorette Finale Recap: Two Ladies + Two Men Left = Any Happy Endings?

Bachelorette Finale Recap: Two Ladies + Two Men Left = Any Happy Endings?

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Both of this season Bachelorette party the stars already had their final men picked before Tuesday’s season finale. So this should be a piece of cake, right? Well, more like a breeze signaling the start of a hurricane.

The (three-hour!) finale begins on an oddly solemn note, with host Jesse Palmer breaking the silence to say that he hoped for two happy endings for Gabby and Rachel, but “it just hasn’t turned out that way.” uh oh. He alludes to the “scandal and betrayal” to come, hinting directly at Tino’s “indiscretions” and Erich’s “text messages”. Oh! He calls the two ladies to awkwardly greet them, and then we continue on to Mexico with Gabby seriously spiraling after Erich tells her that he wants to go out with her first before getting engaged. She is firm: “I need you to propose to me.” But after he tells her how devastated she would be if they break up, she softens a bit and seems confident that they can get through this. We think!

Meanwhile, Rachel goes to check on Tino after his breakup with Aven, and he says he’s “amazing, hands down, like always.” Okay, this guy is more confident than any human being should be, but Rachel runs past him and tells him he’s the only guy left, and they share a flurry of happy kisses. However, we can’t help but notice that Rachel is No smiling while watching this on the live show. Back in Mexico, she and Gabby share a giddy champagne toast together and talk about their respective boyfriends and how absolutely sure they are of them. Rachel even says of Tino: “If it’s not him, I don’t know who it could be.” Yeah, they’re setting us up for some serious heartbreak here, folks. Seat belt.

It’s time for Rachel’s last rose ceremony, and she and Tino are excited as they hold hands. (They kind of robbed us of knowing who the final guys are ahead of time, right, Bachelor Nation?) She recites all the things she loves about him, and he tells her that what they have is “never going away. ” (Honestly, we can barely hear them over the running fountain and the ominous screeching of birds in the background. It’s a sign!) It sounds sweet and all, but Rachel and her family have looks of death on their faces on the live show. , so we know it’s all a bunch of lies. Tino gets down on one knee and proposes to her, and she says yes, and… yes? We’re just as happy as Rachel looks now watching this. “This is the happiest moment of my life. life,” Rachel says through tears…and that just means it’s all downhill from here.

On the live show, Rachel explains what happened next: “It was really cool for a while” between her and Tino, but they “went through a rough patch” by the time the show premiered. She says that she tried her best to keep their relationship together, but she “just didn’t feel that support” from him. She hoped they could work things out for the ending, but then Tino raised some vague concerns about “past relationships” and, in the end, Rachel reveals, “it didn’t really work out.” He cheated on me.” We cut to Rachel being comforted by Gabby, who advises her to “kick him in the [bleep]flying balls. (Now that’s a friend of hers!) Rachel also says that Tino told her “I’m sorry to break it to you” which…she’s not cool! (We just want to say that we never trusted Tino from the beginning, and we feel very smug right now.)

The end of the bachelorette party RachelTino arrives for a tense reunion, admitting he was “wrong” and “kissed another girl”, but did that only make him want Rachel more? Also, it was “the smallest thing that ever was”, so why are we even talking about this? He even brought her diary so he could quote to Rachel the things she said that made him think they had broken up. When he says that she refused to go to therapy, she says that’s a lie, and they argue back and forth for a while in an ugly way. He eventually storms off, with the two taking it out on the producers and Tino crying, “Tell him to break up with me. Let me out.” He eventually returns, but sticks to his story about how “little” what he did was, and Rachel sees red. When she catches him lying, he acts confused and then walks away again, forcing her to chase him outside and demand answers. He begs for another chance, promising to make it up to her. But she declares, “I’m done,” handing him back his ring to thunderous applause from the live audience.Tino slinks away in disgrace…and we feel like clapping, too.

After an awkward recap with Jesse, where Rachel forcefully says yes No I still love Tino (and his dad Tony seems ready to punch Tino in the face), they take Tino out for the post-breakup ritual, and he actually gets booed! He apologizes profusely for everything at first, but he’s still parsing the words and defending himself, and Rachel has none of that. When she brings up how she thought they broke up, she gets upset and asks, “Do you want to get into that?” She hints at personal things that were cut from her earlier confrontation (hmmm) and makes it very clear: “We were never on a break.” (Where’s Ross Geller when we need him?) Tino is gasping for air here, and the live audience is about to strangle him when Jesse mercifully cuts him off.

The end of the bachelorette party AvenBut hey, look who’s here! It’s Ave! He walks out to enthusiastic applause, with Tino looking close to her, and offers her condolences to Rachel, asking if she wants to “get out of here and catch up.” She happily says yes, and they walk off together, leaving Jesse awkwardly standing there with Tino. So did the producers feel bad about putting Rachel through two devastating breakups in one year, so they created a fabricated “happy ending” that won’t last a week? Probably! Even Jesse says so: “This is so weird.”

The Final Bachelorette Gabby Erich ProposalFinally, after all that, it’s Gabby’s turn. She’s still worried that Erich isn’t ready to commit, but she’s confident in what they have, and they smile as they meet at the final rose ceremony, but those birds are screeching again! Is that another omen? Erich knows that he needs someone who is completely there for her and “I want to be that person for you.” And he takes her step, asking her to marry him, and she says yes! We definitely root for these two, but after all that mess with Rachel, we’re a little shy too. Will they make it to the live show? What about those text messages that Jesse mentioned? Back on the live show, she tells us that “all hasn’t been rosy” since that proposal…and we’re preparing for this point.

However, Erich shares a warm kiss with Gabby when she joins the live show, making it all seem lovey-dovey. (And her mullet is gone!) They tell about his proposal, and it looks like they’re still together, thank goodness. But Jesse pokes a bit into the problems they’ve been having, questioning Erich about an ex-girlfriend of his who claims he only broke up with her to go on the show and “get a career opportunity”. Jesse even puts his text messages on the big screen (!), and Erich tells the girl that the show “isn’t real.” But that was before he went on the show, Erich points out, and he didn’t think he’d meet someone like Gabby. He admits that he didn’t handle that breakup well, and Gabby knows it. But she seems to accept her explanation, and the crowd is behind them, and she hey, we need a happy ending, dammit!

So… we still have an hour left, somehow? Jesse kills time by questioning Gabby about her new stage in dancing with the stars and turning to three former singles for their advice. (Neither of whom are still with their latest man, but anyway!) Plus, we meet the new bachelor, Rachel’s ex Zach, and even start the new season early, with Zach meeting five of his potential women in live and viewers at home voting. via tweets to give Brianna a pink first impression. However, Zach didn’t get off to a great start, drawing a complete blank when Jesse asked him to remember the girls’ names afterwards. Well, you have four months to practice, friend!

I have thoughts about that chaotic Bachelorette party final? How do we feel about Zach as the bachelor? Hit the comments and share your thoughts.

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