Favorite Letters Reveal Your Attachment Style: Psychologists Would Have A Field Day With Mine | lauren o’neill

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When I discover or remember a song that I particularly like, I am one of those people who will listen to it over and over again. The song will play when I exercise, when I run errands, when I put things in my online shopping cart to replicate the rush to buy them. It becomes, for a couple of days, omnipresent in my life, until another takes its place.

One such recent choice has been Babies by Pulp. This is a song whose chorus reads, “I want to take you home / I want to give you children,” but whose narrator at one point also hides in a closet to watch his girlfriend’s sister have sex with a guy named David from the local garage. . I’ve been playing it ad nauseam lately, so it looks like the researchers at the University of Toronto’s psychology department would have a field day with me.

The study consisted of asking 570 people about their favorite songs, whose lyrics were then analyzed by psychologists. The participants were then asked a series of questions about their relationship histories. Analysis of more than 7,000 songs revealed that people liked song lyrics related to their attachment style in intimate relationships.

Do you feel quite safe? You could listen to All of Me by John Legend.

An attachment style comes from a psychological theory put forward by John Bowlby. Familiar with many parenting manuals, he suggests that the bonds formed in our early childhood impact other relationships in our lives and that, as a result, people have predictable patterns when it comes to managing intimacy and relationships.

For example, those with “secure” attachment styles are comfortable approaching others and do not tend to experience unusual doubts, while those categorized on the “anxious” end of the spectrum tend to be the more uncertain type, run all the WhatsApp group text messages and call themselves “so Carrie”, while laughing a little too loud. There is also an “avoidant” style, suggesting a nervousness around interpersonal intimacy.

The dodgers apparently choose songs like TLC’s No Scrubs.

According to the University of Toronto study, those who displayed secure attachment styles (no need to brag, guys) favored tracks that portrayed secure attachment in their lyrics, such as John Legend’s All of Me (“all of me loves all of you”). , Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud (“And honey, I’ll love you until I’m 70”), and others that people always choose as the first dance at their weddings before having a big fight as a party. result of the open bar.

The “eagers” among the subjects, by contrast, opted for songs like Adele’s Someone Like You, while the “avoidants” chose TLC’s No Scrubs and Beyoncé’s Irreplaceable. For these collaborators and those like them, the study’s lead author, Dr. Ravin Alaei, had a word of warning: “As an anxious person, you need to recognize that you are vulnerable to a negative feedback loop and your emotions run high,” he said. . . “Music can be a very powerful exacerbator of that.” Tell that to the punishing gluttons among us, who’ve been listening to Mitski’s Nobody (“My God, I’m So Lonely”) at least weekly for the better part of four years.

I’ve been playing Babies by Pulp ad nauseam lately.

Of course, we all tend to listen to and identify better with the music we relate to (another of my over-the-top favourites, for example, is Irish musician CMAT’s Every Bottle (Is My Boyfriend) – no comment), though a pinch of probably Salt required: Every person who takes a liking to a bit of Rihanna’s Unfaithful (“I know he knows I’m unfaithful and it kills him inside”) is, realistically, not an angry chatterbox, they just love emotional punches that can take air As for the babies and me? Again, no comment.

Either way, it’s probably best to, say, wait to tell your next Hinge match that you’ve actually been really into Don’t You Want Me? of Human League. Recently. Thank me when you have a second date.

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